Lemon Drop Martini, please
Last night, I went out to dinner with a close girlfriend and fellow mother, to discuss promising ventures ahead. As we sat down to chat, we both immediately ordered a drink. Without glancing at the menu, the index finger extends straight towards the ceiling, and in a most direct tone, it is reported: “I’ll take a........”. This is the universal “exhale” from a stressed mother. And that got me to thinking…
Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, meaning it acts as a sedative and slows down activity. In the moment, alcohol is known to calm fears, reduce stress, and take your mind off of your problems. For this reason, mothers are known to partake in a libation or two, from time to time. The time frame is a fluid variable: motherhood is stressful! In my experience, there are three types of drink-ordering mothers. These mothers are differentiated by stress levels, as evidenced by the actual ordered drink. When you partake in “stress reduction” with another mother, you should be observant and sensitive to the amount of stress your friend is under. This is my quick reference guide:
You’re out to dinner, and a mom orders wine: You can relax, proceed normally, enjoy the conversation, and assume that she is under the basic level of stress. This mom has a reasonable kid count (1 - 2.5), and yes, bills are due, but they will get paid. Things aren’t perfect, but she’s going to press on to better times. Bon Appétit!
Now, you’re out to dinner, and a mom orders a martini-type drink: Stress levels are a bit more elevated here. Wine is not going to scratch the surface of these problems. WE have multiple kids, and they have multiple issues. Our kids may or may not be in danger of failing their current grade, we don’t know, because we can’t keep up, honestly. Bills aren’t just due… they’re due DUE. We also intend to press on, but the road is a bit rockier. Proceed with a heightened level of compassion with these mothers.
Ok… if you’re out to dinner, and a mom orders a shot of “something”: Brace yourself for impact! She is NOT ok. Call the home front, your return will be delayed. This mom has kids, and they each have real, adult problems. She may or may not be actively negotiating with terrorists, like Sallie Mae and PECO. She is walking a thin line between the test and a testimony, and things can go either way right now. Give this mother your utmost attention and respect. She is definitely going to make it, but the road is long, and there will be blood, sweat, and tears involved.
-The Muber Mom